Everything and Nothing
by Zoi no miko
Summary: Angel Sanctuary - Short internal dialogue by Setsuna on forbidden love


  
Authors notes: Please excuse, I'm sure this fic is full of blaring inconsistencies, as I  
have no clue what happens in the end of Angel Sanctuary. Gomennasei! I just  
wanted to write a little of Setsuna.... Feedback is greatly appreciated!  
zoi_no_miko@zoisite.zzn.com  
  
Everything and Nothing  
  
~Zoi no miko  
  
Sitting at the window, I stared down into the street, droplets of rain winding  
their way lazily down the pane of glass in front of me. Outside, people hurry by,  
hidden underneath brightly coloured umbrellas or hunched inside their coats, all  
too busy to look up, to see the figure of the young boy in the second floor window  
of the house.  
  
I wondered, briefly... what would people assume, seeing me here, my quiet  
introspection? Would they assume me pondering my future, my grades... some  
girl? Did they know that I was the one some called the Messiah, that the immanent  
destruction of the earth was prevented because of me? No, of course not... they  
lived ignorant, innocent of everything that had happened. If only I could go back to  
the same state. Though, even before the word Messiah reached my ears... I was  
never innocent.  
  
I gave a sigh, tracing the path of a raindrop with my fingertips. Everything I  
remembered now, the previous life I had lived, my deeds, all sat heavy on my  
heart. Who could guess the workings of my inner mind? Certainly not any of them.  
The corners of my mouth turned upwards, remembering. When they had first  
approached me, the Angels, the Demons, I shrugged them off. Why would I care  
about saving the world? It was a concern for world leaders, for superheros, and  
certainly not for this despised high school boy with so many problems of his own.  
Everything they spoke of, Angels and Demons and banishment, it was none of my  
concern.  
  
But then... Sarah.... My darling, my sister, my love.... They took you from  
me. Or rather... you stopped the blast meant for me when the traitor-angel tried to  
kill me. Because of this supposed destiny, because of them... you died....  
  
And suddenly, I became involved in this hodge-podge revolution. And all  
the words they spoke became clear... I was the banished female angel Alexiel,  
sentenced to die a thousand horrible deaths for my crimes in heaven. How I had  
loved God in vain, while God had only loved my brother. How the archangel Uriel  
had sentenced me when I denied his request for love. How Jibriel had later been  
assigned to be my guardian.... been reborn as Sarah.... as my beloved....  
  
How could they know how I felt for her? How I would give up everything,  
tear apart Heaven and Hell, just for her?  
  
How could they know... my obsession, Alexiel's obsession with God was all  
a farce... for it was not God that I loved, but Jibriel....   
  
Headstrong, opinionated Jibriel. The crimes I committed were because of  
her, or because of how I felt for her.... how else could I deal with that? The sin of  
loving another woman, or of loving another angel at all.... Even here, myself  
reborn in this male body, she is forbidden to me, another blatant mockery of fate  
or of God himself. My only sister. Before any of this started, before your death...  
how many nights did I lay sleepless, mind going over and over the matter,  
torturing myself.... Even with our parents separated - in fact, that made it worse - I  
couldn't stop loving you, longing to see you... to feel the touch of your hand,  
breathe in the scent of your hair. And slowly, slowly the sinful desires crept into  
my mind, innocent at first, then growing. What would it be like to hold your hand?  
To walk with my arm around your waist... to hold you... to feel your lips on  
mine... to taste you... to caress those soft breasts, to undress you, to cover you with  
kisses, to feel you trembling and naked in my arms, to bury myself inside you....  
  
My head hits the pane with a dull thud, my skin hot against the cold glass.  
Mother hated me for it. And I tried to make you hate me, I was so afraid when I  
found you felt the same way. But it didn't work... we ran away together... the  
memory of those few, sinful nights before you died burns in my memory, even  
now.  
  
Jibriel, Sarah.... the name doesn't matter so much as the person does. How  
many times have I fought against heaven for you? How many times more will I?  
Infinitely. No one could even grasp at understanding how I feel for you. I'm  
certain... had I not been able to save you, restore you... the earth would not be  
standing today.  
  
~For if she is ill, then nothing can be well....~  
  
The door to my room opens, and footsteps interrupt my thoughts.   
"Onii-sama...."  
  
I turn, a slight smile on my lips. "Don't call me that, Sarah."  
  
She sets the tea trey down and smiles, a slight blush colouring those  
smooth, perfect cheeks. Then she moves to where I sit on the window seat,  
kneeling over me, straddling my legs and moving closer to me. "Hai, Setsuna...  
koishii...."  
  
~For if she is well, then nothing can be ill.....~  
  
~end~  
  



End file.
